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HOLY CRAP!
Invader Zim Quotes!

(Click the blue word in the quote, loser, and it will download to your computer. To save, right click the link and click "Save Target As...")


Zim: As president, I will ensure that all mankind has its legs sawed off!

Zim: My beautiful base!
Tak: Part two is-
Zim: No! My beautiful base! No!
Tak: Part two is-
Zim: No! My beautiful base! No!
Tak: Part two is-
Zim: No!
Tak: Part-
Zim: No!
Tak: Okay, I'm-
Zim: No!
Tak: Okay, I'm leaving now.
Zim: But you didn't tell me your plan.

GIR: You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits? You gonna make biscuits?
Zim: No, GIR. Never. I never want you to mention biscuits ever again.
[dramatic sting!]

Zim: As soon as we destroy Tak, I'm going to feed your brains to my robot!
Dib: Deal!
GIR: YAY! BRAINS!

Moofy: La la la la! I like to sell COOKIES! La la la la! I like to sell COOKIES!

Gaz: Curse you, Dib! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU! CURSE YOU!

Zim: Curse you, snacks! CURSE YOU!

Gaz: Okay, you: Do things. Make Tak's robot crazy.
GIR: Only if you dance with me!
Gaz: No. Never. Never!

Zim: The Dib? The Dib! I don't care how delicious he is, he's evil!

Professor Membrane: Now, Gaz, if you could just put that can of beans in the proton oven. Be sure to take them out of the can or the explosion will destroy all human life!
Gaz: That didn't wipe out all life as we know it! YOU LIED TO ME, DAD!

GIR: Doodydoodydoodydoodydoodydoodydoooooo!
Zim: Attack!
GIR: [mission mode] Yes, sir! Doodydoodydoodydoody!

Zim: I'm going to attempt to lock you into duty mode using this behavioural modulator.
GIR: [giggles]
Zim What?
GIR: Doody.

RoboMom: HEY! HEY! Well, HEY! HEY, EVERYONE! HEY, EVERYONE! HEY! Come on over, everyone, and help us eat this little boy!

GIR: I'm gonna eat that fish.

Dib: HEY! Look at that garbage can!
Zim: Yes. It is rather impressive, that can.

Zim: Sometimes I'm afraid to find out what's going on in that insane head of yours.
Dancing Weenie Cows: Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!

Professor Membrane: Come on, honey. Are you ready for some horrible tests?
Gaz: I guess so.

Ms. Bitters: Dib, what have I told you about jamming things into student's ears?

Dib: You're just jealous of-
Zim: This has nothing to do with jelly!

Tak: I only let him out when I need to keep up appearances, kind of like Zim's robot parents. Only good.

Zim: I have come to accept your feelings for me. I congratulate you for acknowledging my superiority in choosing me as your love pig! Be honoured!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Yeah, that is pretty funny- HEY! Someone's making donuts!
Red and Purple: Woo!

GIR: I made mashed potatoes!
Zim: Yes. And muffins.

GIR: I got monkeys in me!

Zim: My tallest! My tallest! Hey! My tallest! My tallest! My- My tallest! My tallest! Hey! Hey! Hey, over here! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! Hey! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! Hey! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest! Hey! Hey! My tallest! Uh, hi! My tall! Hey, my tallest! It's me! Look at me! My tallest! My tallest! My tallest!
Almighty Tallest Red: I was curious to see when you'd shut up on your own, but it's been three hours now, Zim. THREE HOURS!

Tak: This is about taking your mission, Zim. Not revenge!
Zim: You're after revenge?
Tak: NO! It's not about revenge!

Dib: Science won't help you, Gaz!
Gaz: Science won't replace your head after I tear it from your torso if you don't hurry!

Zim: If I am elected, Dib's head will be removed, and filled with salted nuts!
GIR: SALTED NUTS!

Gaz: Are there any video games around here?
Computer: No. Not really.
Gaz: I guess I'll help save the earth then.

GIR: Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye! Goodbye, goodbye! He's getting eaten by a shark!

Mooshy: Spoofty, you crazy!

Tak: [annoying laugh]

Dib: Not the dolls! No!
Gaz: I programmed them to feed on human flesh.

GIR: It's me! I was the turkey all along!
Zim: I was wondering what that turkey was doing there.

Professor Membrane: What's your brother doing this time? He's not trying to raise the dead again, is he? Always with the dead, that boy.

Professor Membrane: Son! There'd better not be any walking dead up there!
Dib: It's nothing to worry about, Dad! And I said I was sorry about that!

Zim: You're nothing, Earth boy! Go home and shave your giant head of smell with your bad self!
Dib: Okay. There's all kinds of things wrong with what you just said.

Small Future Child: I don't get it! Why does he want to take over the earth so badly? What does he have to gain, or to lose? And the mechanizations of this malfunctioning Santa suit completely elude me!

GIR: We wish you a merry jingly! We wish you a merry jingly! We wish you...
Zim: No, GIR! No! Stop singing! No! Ho ho ho! Little fellow, you're so cute!
GIR: I am!

Dib: Gaz! I'm trapped in a frozen wasteland!
Gaz: Who isn't?

Johnen Vasquez: See, all it takes is Gaz's hatred to fix an alien spaceship. That's all it takes. In like, a second. She's the smartest character on the show.
Rikki Simmons: WHY CAN'T GAZ LOVE?
Eric Truehart: Yeah, Melissa, why can't Gaz love?
Melissa Fahn: She loves. She's just better than everyone else.

Hook-handed Kid: Christmas is ruined forever!

GIR: I was a chubby lady hiding in the bushes!

GIR: And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. And then the squirrel flew away! After that, he went back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys!

Dib: Man, Dad's finally done with whatever he's been working on for the past few months. Maybe we'll finally get to see him in person!

Zim: [hysterical, over the top laughter] Ahem... I LOVE EARTH!

Johnen Vasquez: Yeah, we had trouble with that, calling them his roomates, because they thought that it meant that Membrane didn't really love his kids.
Roman Dirge: Well, we kind of imply that a lot, don't we?
Johnen Vasquez: He loves them! They would be dead if he didn't love them.

Dib: Wow, I'm boring!

Robot Dib: I don't know what you're talking ab- Look! Aliens! And over there! Bigfeets!

Zim: GIR! GIR! Unleash the monkey!
GIR: MONKEY!

Almighty Tallest Purple: Plasmarn Battle Tanks, Maim-bots, Deathwave cannons, a sack of tacitos?

GIR: You get my tacitos yet?

GIR: TACITOS! And a clown with no head!
Almighty Tallest Red: If you pass, we'll send you a big bag of battle tanks!
Almighty Tallest Purple: But not that clown thing.
GIR: HEADLESS CLOWN! HEADLESS CLOWN!

Zim: I sure like TV! And wearing pants!
Poonchy: He likes wearing pants, Dib! Aliens don't like wearing pants!

Zim: FOOL! My fellow hideous inferior human pig smellies are insulted by this constant slander!
Dib: Would a human call their own kind pig smelly? Huh? Huh? Huh? We're not pigs!
Zita: HEY! You watch what you say around pig boy!

Zim: Gashloog gets to take a break without exploding! Why not me?
Sizz-Lorr: Because I hired him. You're here as punishment for almost annihilating our civilization!
Zim: Am I the only one who is impressed by that?

Zim: Enjoy your defeat at the Zim hands of Zim!

Announcer: Snacky Cab station is now closed. Any cabs not docked will explode for no apparent reason!
Zim: [sings cheerfully, then explodes] Uh... I was, um, uh... That's normal, you know.
Ugly Neighbour Lady: [grunts in agreement]

GIR: I wants me a barrel of flies, I wants me two balls of glue to be my friend! And I wants to go dancing naked! And I wants... And a chair made of cheese, and a table made of cheese and a...

Professor Membrane: Power is restored to the Earth once more. It's a good thing I exist!

The Masses: Bow Down! Bow Down! Before the power of Santa! Or be crushed, be crushed! By his jolly boots of doom!

Maria: The potatoes are bad!
Chicken Cook: These potatoes are great!
Maria: The potatoes are bad!
Chicken Cook: These potatoes are wonderful!
Maria: The potatoes are nasty and bad!
Chicken Cook: These potatoes are the best potatoes in the world!
Maria: No, they're not! They're bad, nasty, bad potatoes!

GIR: Chicken! Heeheehee! I'm gonna eat you!

GIR: It's got chicken legs!

Johnen Vasquez: Okay, let's try and explain the joke here that's coming up because- I mean, I think it's clear but some people might not get it. Poop Dog hates his life, kinda like Bloaty. And the film strip actually stops at some point and he just turns to someone off-camera and says 'I can't do this anymore.' He wants out of this. He wants out of this arrangement, right? So, somewhere in between that edit, they threatened- I like to think they had his family for ransom or just off-camera, they're holding up his son by his head!

Roman Dirge I like Gaz. I like working with- you know- I loves me some spooky girls, so it was just natural.

Computer: Explosion cannot be extinguished. Explosion must expand to its [coughs] inevitable size.
Zim: What is that size? And... why is my computer coughing?

Zim: I'll find a cure and keep it all to myself and then watch you transform more and more into what you really are deep down in your heart!
Dib: Deep down I'm baloney?
Zim: Yes.
Dib: That's just dumb.
Zim: Dumb like a moose, Dib. Dumb like a moose!

Zim: GIR! Remember with your brains! You must behave like a human dog monster! Do you understand?
GIR: I really don't!

Zim: Dog with meat! Dog with meat!

Zim: GIR! Begin clean-up and repairs now!
GIR: I don't wanna! Okay!

Zim: You can't escape by teleporter, little Gaz! I've cut the power! Your pitiful rescue attempt is nothing but a pitiful failure! Stupid, stinking humans.
Gaz: Doesn't this station have escape pods?
Zim: Of course. They're right over there. Stupid, stupid- waah!

Computer: The FBI is a government law enforcement agency.
Zim: Continue.
Computer: Insufficient data.
Zim: Insufficient data? Can't you just make an educated guess?
Computer: O... kay. Uh... Founded in 1492 by, uh... demons, the FBI is a crack law enforcement agency designed to... uh, I don't know... fight aliens?

Zim: I think we've been seen out of our disguises by a human!
GIR: But Dib's seen us before. And he knows where we live!
Zim: Hehe. Dib.

Melvin: Sorry I'm late! My head's itchy!

GIR: Why is his head so big? Whyyyyy is his heeeeaaad so biiiig?

Almighty Tallest Red: So, you're saying the humans are dumb, yet... tall. How is that even possible? How can anything tall be dumb?
Almighty Tallest Purple: Yeah! Huh? Huh? Can you imagine? Huh? Huh? Huh?

Zim: I have already stuffed by normal human belly so full of delicious human FILTH that I could not eat another bite.

Zim: I'm human! Yep! Human, human, human. Just look at my neck!

GIR: YAY! It burns!

Zim: Please, ma'am. If you don't buy my candy, my little brother will go insane!

Gaz: I'm trying to draw a little piggy! CAN'T YOU SEE I'M TRYING TO DRAW A LITTLE PIGGY? Be quiet.

Ugly Neighbour Lady: Look at him run, all slow-like!

Ms. Bitters: Children, your performance was miserable. Your parents will all receive phone calls instructing them to love you less now.

[Background Music:] Meats of evil! Meats of evil!

Almight Tallest Purple: Yeah! Yeah! Two words: more puppets! Yeah!

GIR: The mystery of the prize!

Gaz: What you need is to give the Game Slave to me or I will plunge you into a nightmare world from which there is no waking.
Iggins: But, I'm a better gamer than you.
Gaz: I hope you like nightmare worlds!

Gaz: Okay, Dad! We can go to Bloaty's now!
Professor Membrane: No, no, no. We can't go anywhere with him like that! Family night is cancelled until his organs are inside him again!

Sgt. Hobo: What about your soldier, Skoodge?
Zim: It's what Skoodge would have wanted! I mean- oh no! Skoodge is in trouble!

Crazy Dude: I want my slaw!
Chicken Cook: You have your slaw, sir!
Crazy Dude: I want my slaw!
Chicken Cook: You have your slaw, sir!
Crazy Dude: I want my slaw!
Chicken Cook: You have your slaw, sir!
Crazy Dude: I want my slaw!
Maria: What kinda chicken you want, Mister?
Chicken Cook: You have your slaw, sir!
Crazy Dude: I want my slaw!

Zim: Solutions! Give me solutions! Solutions! Give me solutions!

GIR: No! I'm still watching it! I wanna see what happens! I need it! Wh- Whyyyyyy? [screams hysterically, then falls asleep]

Almight Tallest Red: Well, there is Zim, but I think he stopped being alive.

Zim: Oh!Thankyou!You'vedonetherightthing,myTallestandyouwon'tbeforgottenwhenIruletheuniverse!Thanks,it'samazing!Betterthanthat!BYE!

Professor Membrane: Just one thing: Take your brother with you. It can be dangerous out there!
Gaz: That's what the bat's for.

GIR: You got any of them taquitos?

Zim: Perhaps I overestimated them and underestimated- Duuuuuh! Duuuuuuuh!

Gaz: Give me the vampire piggies!

Gaz: You're sure they took this one?
GIR: YES! Wait... I 'unno.

Zim: The Tallest are going to call soon, I just know it! Base so messy! Explosion so close! This is just horrible!
GIR: I know what you mean!
Zim: That's it! Time!
GIR: What you say?
Zim: If I can bring the time field around the explosion back up to regular speed, it'll fix everything!
GIR: No, it won't!
Zim: The explosion will blow up like normal and be gone forever!
GIR: But won't it just explode? Just like this: KA-BLAM!
Zim: Do not interrupt my being ingenius!

Kid: Aagh! Itching! In my brain!
Gaz: Pfft... whiner.

Zim: Aagh! My skin! My familiar skin!
Gaz: Pfft... whiner.

Zim: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! The pain!
Gaz: Pfft! Whiner!

Zim: Who are you?
Poop Dog: I am-
Zim: Who are you?
Poop Dog: I am-
Zim: WHO ARE YOU?

GIR: YAY! I'm gonna be sick!

UPDATED! 06/24/05

Zim: Whatcha watching?
GIR: Angry monkey.
Zim: That's one horrible monkey.
GIR: Mmmhmm.

Policeman: Hey! That's the guy! And he's back for moooooooooore! Get him!

Almighty Tallest Red: Keeping busy, it looks like. Doing us proud.
Zim: Thank you, Thank you. Yes. Yes, I am. I'm in a bear suit!

Martian: My people worked themselves to extinction converting their planet into a navigatable space vessel, using similar technology tested and proven on another nearby planet.
Zim: What other planet?
Martian: That's not important right now.
Zim: Another planet? Why would you do all that?
Martian: Because it's cool.

The Letter M: Yeah, what's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and ghosts and seeing Bigfoot in your garage.
Dib: He was using the belt-sander.

Zim: Prepare your bladder for imminent release!

GIR: I got chocolate bubblegum!

[The crew attempts to sing the Invader Zim theme song... and fail.]

Zim: Still, I am becoming impatient with my incredibly subtle infiltration of this planet, and am growing ever hungrier for to be the destruction of the humans. Destruction is nice!

Dib: What about me? How do I get back?
Zim: Good question! But I don't care!

Nightmare Bitters: You will be condemned to the realm of eternal screaming and, oh... restlessness.
Blob Thing: But I don't really wanna go there.
Nightmare Bitters: You'll just have to accept it.

GIR: I'm gonna sing the doom song now! Doom doom do-doom doom do-doom doom doom! Doom doom doom! Doom! Doom doom doom doom doom doom doom doom! Doom doom dooooom! Dooom! Doom do-doom doom do-doom doom do-do-doom doom! Doom doom doom!
Zim: GIR, would you please stop singing?
GIR: Doom! Doom do-doom doom do-doom. Doomy doomy doomy doom!
Voot Cruiser: Proximity warning! Planet ahead!
GIR: Doom! Doom dee-doom doom dee-doom doom! Doomy doomy doomy doom! Doom doom do-doom! Doom Dee-
Zim: GIR! We're finally here!
GIR: -doom doom dee-doom! Doom doom doom! The end! Ooh! What's that?

GIR: GIR! Reporting for duty!
Zim: GIR? What does the "g" stand for?
GIR: I don't know! [screams and smacks self in head]

GIR: I gotta go, pig! I'll see you later! I GOTTA GO, PIG! I'LL SEE YOU LATER!

Zim: Whoever they were, they left no sign of what wiped them out. They just left these stupid structures here to taunt me. I hate them! And I hope they di- hehe. Oh yeah.